There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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