Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did I show you my penis last night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
