my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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