i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
