Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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