i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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