I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
