I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
