It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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