I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
