there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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