No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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