Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
