Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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