Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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