So drunk its hurt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
