sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
