pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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