i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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