I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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