i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
