he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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