new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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