Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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