I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
