Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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