She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
