Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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