I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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