Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..

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(850): View more from Florida

So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

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(352): View more from Florida

He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.

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(213): View more from California

I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus

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(217): View more from Illinois

You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right

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(203): View more from Connecticut

But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.

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