If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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