I want to walk on stilts...naked
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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