I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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