There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
