I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
