I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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