Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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