Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize