i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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