I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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