Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
