it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
