I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
