I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
