Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
