Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
