if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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