Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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