A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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