you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
