While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like, not good at living.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
