meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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