I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
