I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
