yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize