Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
