i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
