if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
